


Jealousy

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Friendship, Gen, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Misunderstandings, References to Depression, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: He hated jealousy. It brought out the worst in people and unfortunately, Hyunjin was people. He had pushed down his jealousy and went over to speak to Jisung, not letting any of his sour emotions show. He wouldn’t let jealousy ruin their friendship like it had in the beginning.It turned out to be more difficult than expected though. Jisung got more lines than him on the new album. More than any of the others too. And Hyunjin knew Jisung was good but he still didn’t feel like it was fair that one got so much more than the rest of the group. He got solo appearances on shows as well and even if they all cheered him on, Hyunjin could tell resentment was growing in the air, not just from him either.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 213





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MVgetanattitude (MVforVictory)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MVforVictory/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for Min that has been sitting in my drafts untouched for months oops…   
> I hope you like it uwu

Hyunjin knew Jisung was good, great even. He excelled in everything he did and it was part of the reason why they fought so much back when they were trainees. Hyunjin’s jealousy got the best of him, making him point out every little mistake and flaw the slightly younger boy had. He had just needed people to see that Jisung wasn’t as perfect as they believed. Then he realised Jisung was and his resentment shifted into admiration. 

Their relationship got better after that. They talked out their issues and came to understand each other and eventually they started liking each other, becoming good friends. Hyunjin supposed the rocky start their friendship had was what made it so steady now. They could goof off and have tons of fun but when they needed to be serious and focused, they could do that too. 

So when Hyunjin saw Jisung speaking to Jinyoung at the company building he didn’t feel angry at least. Jisung was allowed to speak to their seniors and even if Hyunjin’s heart tugged a little when Jinyoung gave Jisung a quick hug in goodbye, he didn’t let himself be hurt by it. It wasn’t like Jisung was trying to offend him by getting closer to Hyunjin’s greatest idol and inspiration.

He hated jealousy. It brought out the worst in people and unfortunately, Hyunjin was people. He had pushed down his jealousy and went over to speak to Jisung, not letting any of his sour emotions show. He wouldn’t let jealousy ruin their friendship like it had in the beginning. 

It turned out to be more difficult than expected though. Jisung got more lines than him on the new album. More than any of the others too. And Hyunjin knew Jisung was good but he still didn’t feel like it was fair that one got so much more than the rest of the group. He got solo appearances on shows as well and even if they all cheered him on, Hyunjin could tell resentment was growing in the air, not just from him either. 

Hyunjin suspected Jisung could feel it too. He was more subdued than normal, spending more time alone or with Chan and Changbin. The producer group was working hard on the upcoming comeback and Hyunjin appreciated the hard work, but he also knew they were spending more time than actually needed off on their own. He pushed down the thoughts of them working to leave, he knew they wouldn’t do that, they loved Stray Kids more than anything, they were basically the creators of the group. 

“Hyung,” Jeongin stood above him, looking down with a pout on his lips and from this angle he had a bit of a double chin which made Hyunjin grin slightly, “get up already! The rest of us have been done for ages.”

“It’s been five minutes.” Minho deadpanned and Hyunjin chuckled as he rolled himself onto his stomach before he pushed himself up into a standing position.

His muscles ached at the movement and he cursed himself for not joining the others for stretches in favor of just down laying on the cool floor. He stretched his arms over his head as he walked over to the corner where he’d left his stuff and he became distinctly aware of the fact that there were only six of them left in the practice room. 

“Where did Chan and Jisung go?” he asked, pulling on his coat.

“They had a few new song ideas.” Changbin said with a yawn, “I’d join them too but I’m beat.”

“Same.” Jeongin whined and strode over to Hyunjin and picked up his bag for him and he was about to say thanks when it was roughly thrusted into his grasp, “So can we go home now?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Felix chuckled, already stood by the door holding it open. 

  
  


It hadn’t bothered Hyunjin at first, that Jisung got to skip dance practices every once in a while. He knew how hard the younger worked and he knew that his poor sleeping habits sometimes rivaled Chan’s so he was just glad that he was getting the rest he needed. 

But as their comeback neared he felt anxiety rear its ugly head and he hated how only perfection could stave off that monster - for the time being at least. But perfection took practice and being one member down, well, it wasn’t ideal. 

In a way, it was lucky that it was Jisung who was the one missing though. He had always been quick at picking up their choreographies but Hyunjin still worried. And unfortunately, that worry often turned into irritation and that, in turn, would shift into anger and frustration. 

So when Jisung arrived for practice an hour late he couldn’t help the scoff he let out. It wasn’t fair, he knew, they’d been informed that Jisung had a show he had to shoot for and would be late because of it. But seeing him come in, looking great with his make-up still on while the rest of them were already drenched in sweat made him angry. 

Chan turned off the music and they took a short break, having to wait for Jisung to change anyways. 

“How much time left?” Felix asked between gulps of water.

“Until we got these two songs down to a tee.”

It ended up taking three more hours and although it wasn’t only Jisung that was messing up most of their annoyed glares seemed to end up directed towards him. It was only made worse by how Chan would scold the rest of them while only gently telling Jisung what he did wrong, carefully showing him the correct move. 

“It’s not fair.” Jeongin had muttered during one of their breaks and Hyunjin nodded in agreement. 

Back at the dorms they split up, Changbin and Felix offered to make dinner while Jeongin grabbed one of the bathrooms to clean up and Chan let Jisung take the other even though they had set up a schedule for who had dibs on the showers - having learnt from the  _ many  _ arguments that whole debacle has caused in the past. Hyunjin had been ready to fight for his right to have his shower first but despite his annoyance from earlier he felt a bit bad for Jisung, the guy looked absolutely exhausted as he trudged down the hall.

“Thank you Hyunjin-ah.” Chan said, patting him on the shoulder before heading towards his room.

There was always this feeling of Chan knowing more than the rest of them but it felt stronger this time somehow. Of course it made sense that Chan was the most clued in on whatever was going on within the group or with individual members since he was the leader but sometimes it made Hyunjin feel left out. Other times it just made him feel anxious, it felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, something bad just waiting to get revealed while Chan knew all along. This was one of those other times. 

* * *

  
  


They were once again waiting for Jisung and Hyunjin could feel the tension rise in the dance studio. Minho kept sighing to show his frustration and Jeongin and Seungmin were grumbling as they did some stretches to pass the time. Changbin and Felix were sitting in the corner of the room talking about something, it looked like Changbin was trying to calm the younger down to no avail. Meanwhile Chan was fiddling with the sound system not saying word about the missing member. 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and got to his feet, figuring he could use the time to pick up some snacks and refreshments from the cafeteria for later. He quickly asked the others what they wanted before heading out. He would understand Jisung’s tardiness if there was an actual reason for it but they all knew he was at the company building, the rapper had left before the rest of them to get some work done at the studio. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if he’d fallen asleep or something but it didn’t make it any less irritating. 

The elevator dinged as it reached the right floor and Hyunjin froze as soon as he reached the cafeteria. Right there, by the windows, Jisung was sat laughing across from Jinyoung. The older man was smiling fondly and Hyunjin felt his blood boil. The rest of them had been waiting for nearly half an hour and Jisung was happily spending time with their senior completely oblivious to how he was wasting everyone’s time. 

Even if Hyunjin had had the same chance Jisung had he wouldn’t have taken it. He may look up to all his seniors, Jinyoung especially, but he he valued his own group far more. But despite his anger Hyunjin focused on the task he’d appointed himself and went to buy his members what they’d asked for. He considered storming up to Jisung and tell him they were waiting but the usual shyness whenever Jinyoung was involved hindered him from doing so and he headed back to the elevator, annoyed that neither of the two had even seen him there. 

He didn’t bother closing the door behind him when he reached the studio again, hands full of snacks and drinks that he deposited onto the couch. He sat himself next to Jeongin with an annoyed sigh and the younger looked at him with furrowed brows.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw Jisung in the cafeteria.” Hyunjin said, trying to sound nonchalant, “He’s hanging out with Jinyoung-ssi.”

“You serious?” Minho asked from across the room, the older had excellent hearing when he wanted to.

“Yeah.”

“Well did you tell him to get his ass over here?” Felix prompted and Changbin grabbed his shoulder like he did whenever he tried to calm any of them down.

“No.” Hyunjin mumbled, feeling a bit ridiculous but Jeongin smiled understandingly at him, they all knew he tended to freeze up in front of his idol. 

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” Chan placated, “Why don’t we start warming-”

“Why do you always let  _ him  _ off the hook?” Seungmin interrupted, “You wouldn’t allow this from the rest of us.”

“Yeah!” Jeongin chimed in agreement, “What makes him so special?”

“Guys please.” Chan sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“No seriously, I’d like to know.” Minho challenged as he got to his feet, “He gets so much special treatment and it’s getting ridiculous. He’s obviously letting it get to his head if he thinks he can ditch practice to hang out with Jinyoung-ssi.” 

“It’s not like that.” Chan tried and Hyunjin couldn’t help but roll his eyes, the leader sure had his favourites huh?

“Then what is it like?” Felix asked, shrugging Changbin’s hand off as he got up too. 

The tension earlier was nothing compared to now and Hyunjin felt a bit bad for being the bringer of the bad atmosphere but he also felt a sick sense of satisfaction for not being alone in his annoyance. Chan looked at all of them pleadingly but none of them were ready to give, - except for Changbin it seemed - all of them were fed up with the unfairness of it all.

“Sorry I’m late.” a voice called timidly from the doorway and Hyunjin couldn’t help but scoff despite how small Jisung looked stood there all hunched in on himself.

“It’s okay.” Chan said gently and several groans echoed around the room but the leader ignored it in favor of heading back to the sound system, “Let's just get started.”

To say practice went poorly was an understatement and Hyunjin couldn’t help the glares he kept directing towards Jisung in the mirror. It felt as satisfying as it did back when they fought as trainees and Hyunjin hated himself a little for going back there but he also felt like Jisung deserved it.

* * *

  
  


They were at a rehearsal for a music show when it happened. They were just running through their dance lazily to give the directors and camera men the chance to get the actual recording perfect later when Jisung suddenly just dropped. At first Hyunjin thought he’d just slipped but then he wasn’t getting up, he stayed there on his hands and knees, his whole body shaking and as they all rushed closer to check on him he collapsed fully. Their mics were connected and their shouts of concern echoed from the speakers. 

“What’s wrong?” a staff member off stage yelled, sounding annoyed and Hyunjin felt anger boil within him by the lack of concern.

With Minho’s help Chan managed to pick Jisung’s limp form up and rush him off the stage. It wasn’t the first time Hyunjin had seen someone pass out but it never got any easier, it was terrifying each time but usually it wouldn’t happen all of the sudden like this. There were usually some sign before, like someone pushing through a fever or not having slept properly but Hyunjin hadn’t noticed anything off about Jisung earlier. 

Chan laid him down on a couch backstage and fortunately Jisung seemed to be coming to, eyes blinking up at them confusedly. Changbin helped prop him up slightly and shoved a juice box he’d grabbed from his bag in his face, gently prompting the younger to take a few sips. After a few minutes Jisung seemed more aware of his surroundings and he sat up fully, eyes squeezing shut as the room probably spun from the sudden movement. 

“Shit.” Jisung cursed, “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin didn’t even get what he was apologizing for but Chan and Changbin were quick in scooching closer, hushing him and telling him it was okay. But Jisung didn’t seem to be able to hear them, breaths coming in quicker and quicker as he desperately gripped Chan’s hand.

“Jisung it’s okay, you’re okay.” Chan whispered but they were all close enough to hear him, “Just breathe alright, no one is mad at you. It’s okay.” 

“Give him some space guys.” Changbin suddenly stood up, pushing them to back up and they reluctantly went but no one said anything, unable to find anything to say as their brightest member was crying and struggling to even breathe. 

They could only watch as Chan wrapped himself around the smaller boy as if he could protect him from whatever was making him freak out like this. He kept mumbling assuring words and eventually - Hyunjin didn’t even know how long it had been since it all started - Jisung seemed to calm down. Chan leaned away and glanced back at the rest of them, worried about how they were fairing too even as his own eyes were glassy with tears. 

“You okay?” Felix asked, voice soft but laced with worry as he inched closer and Hyunjin watched as Jisung put his walls up again. 

The panic in his eyes from before disappeared instantly as they cleared. If he hadn’t been watching him so closely, Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he’d have noticed it. 

_ What else has he missed? _

“Have you eaten today?” it was a question but it didn’t sound like Changbin was looking for an answer, like he knew it already. 

“I figured it’d be fine.” Jisung shrugged and planted a smile on his face. 

Hyunjin didn’t like that look.

“Why?” Minho asked, incredulous.

“I’ve been fine before.” Jisung said again, wiping away the tears on his cheeks even as he smiled reassuringly up at them.

“Jisung you need to eat.” Chan sighed, “We’ve talked about this.” 

“Yeah.” Jisung agreed, eyes hard, “But I’m still fat.”

The room erupted in protests but Hyunjin could only gape in shock as words from the past echoed in his head, words he had said.

_ “You’re just a chubby kid with a quick mouth, you really think you’ll make it here?” _

_ “If only you put as much energy into dancing as you do stuffing your cheeks.” _

“Sorry, sorry!” Jisung raised his hands as if in surrender, “I didn’t mean it.”

No one believed him but they didn’t have time to discuss it, they still had to do the pre-recording for the show and Hyunjin could feel the PD’s burning glares at the back of his head. 

Chan and Changbin managed to force Jisung to eat a few snacks before they were pulled back on stage to get their recording done. Hyunjin trusted his members enough to believe they’d be able to be professional and manage to hide whatever thoughts were running through their heads as they danced and sung. 

Hyunjin was both amazed and terrified of how well Jisung was doing, if he hadn’t seen what had happened earlier he never would have thought anything was wrong. Chan and Changbin had known what to do and it pained Hyunjin to think they were hiding this from the rest of them. 

* * *

  
  


Jisung stayed far away from them the whole day whenever he could and each time any of them went to talk to him Chan or Changbin would send them a look or physically intercept them to make them leave Jisung alone. Eventually they all figured the two of them knew what was best and gave up on trying. It was tense and awkward the whole day and by the time they reached the dorms they all practically sprinted to their rooms to escape it. 

Jeongin came to hang out in their room, he said he didn’t want to bother Jisung as he rested up but they all knew it was because he didn’t want to be left alone with him. It was a bit sad really but Hyunjin had seen Changbin sneak away earlier and he was sure he was taking care of Jisung well - after all, it seemed like he and Chan were used to that.

It was late into the night and Hyunjin couldn’t sleep when he heard noise from the living room. He groaned as he rolled out of bed and had half a mind to keep quiet as he sneaked out the room as to not wake the others up. 

He closed the door behind him softly and padded into the living room, squinting in the dim light to see a lump on the couch. He flicked the light on and had to close his eyes against the brightness and he heard a soft gasp from the couch. When he blinked his eyes open he finally saw it was Jisung sitting there, bundled up in his duvet like a burrito. He looked really cute, but also really sad.

“You okay?” he asked softly, sitting down next to him and Jisung nodded, “You can be real with me you know.”

“I’m just down.” Jisung offered, the duvet moved up and down as he shrugged.

“Why?” Hyunjin prompted.

“Cause I’ve realised something.”

“Yeah?” Hyunjin tried to sound casual but he was really quite curious, “And what’s that?”

“I’m not really needed.” Jisung said with a finality that terrified him, this was not what he was expecting, he didn’t really know what he’d been expecting.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m just not enough. I used to be the funny one but now everyone are really comfortable in front of the camera so-” he trailed off, shrugging defeatedly, “and my singing isn’t all that good and neither is my dancing-”

“That’s not true.” Hyunjin couldn’t believe what Jisung was saying but what was worse was that Jisung seemed to believe it wholeheartedly, speaking down on himself so casually. 

“Oh come on.” Jisung scoffed, “You’ve seen me at practice lately, it’s horrible. But even if it wasn’t I’m supposed to be a rapper and even at that I don’t measure up.”

“How can you say that?” Hyunjin exclaimed and Jisung hushed him before smiling softly but sadly.

“It’s just not enough. Changbin’s rap is explosive and yours is melodic and powerful while I’m just-” he hesitated for a second, “I’m just not enough.” 

“That’s not true.” Hyunjin said again because it really  _ really  _ wasn’t.

“You all think it.” Jisung scoffed again and Hyunjin shook his head, ready to protest once again “I heard what you guys said; I’m nothing special.” 

Hyunjin has to close his eyes as regret consumed him, he hadn’t even realised Jisung overheard them that day and he feels sick thinking about how satisfied he’d been by knocking him down a peg. 

“We didn’t mean it like that. I was jealous about you hanging out with Jinyoung.” Hyunjin admitted softly, opening his eyes to look at Jisung, “And we were upset about Chan treating you differently.”

“I’ve asked him not to.” 

“I’m guessing what happened today had something to do with it?” Hyunjin tried carefully, not really sure how to approach the subject but needing answers.

“It’s part of it, yeah.” Jisung said and wrapped his duvet tighter around himself.

“Can you tell me?” Hyunjin asked, sliding a bit closer to him on the couch, “You really scared us today.”

“You wanna know why I got closer with Jinyoung?” Jisung asked after a beat of silence and despite the randomness of the question Hyunjin nodded, “He saw me on the roof one night, called Chan and Changbin when he realised what I was doing up there.”

“What were you doing?” Hyunjin frowned in confusion.

“Thinking about jumping.” Hyunjin couldn’t hold back the gasp and it felt like the earth fell out from under him, “He’s been checking up on me.”

“You-” Hyunjin felt his throat close up and Jisung looked a bit panicked, “You can’t do that. Jisung you can’t just- No.”

“I shouldn’t have told you that.” Jisung mumbled and tried to stand but didn’t get very far as he’s tangled up in his duvet and ends up back on the couch, “I’m sorry.”

“No Jisung, that’s not what I meant.” Hyunjin reached out to grab him and fortunately Jisung couldn’t quite do anything to resist due to the soft prison he’d placed himself in, “You can’t kill yourself, I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“For what?” Jisung mumbled, weakly trying to get out of Hyunjin’s hold but he refused to let up.

“For not realising you were struggling.” Hyunjin whispered but they’re close enough that he knew Jisung could hear him, “For being part of what made it worse.”

“It’s okay.” 

“It’s not.” Hyunjin protested, “You’re amazing and it breaks my heart that you don’t see that.”

“Hyunjin-” Jisung said, voice thick with emotion.

“I’m not lying. We all love you and we’re always so impressed by your talent,” Hyunjin continued, needing Jisung to believe him, “You’re our ace, you can do everything and you do it excellently, we shouldn’t have let our jealousy cloud our perception. We should have known.”

He felt Jisung shudder in his embrace and it only made him tighten his hold.

“I didn’t want you to.” Jisung mumbled eventually.

“Well, we want to.” Hyunjin whispered, “We want to know when you’re struggling so we can help. I’m sorry I got distracted from what really matters.”

“Huh?” Jisung pulled away to look at him all confused and it made Hyunjin’s eyes tear up.

“That’s you.” he clarified, “You’re what matters.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> And come talk to me on twitter:  
> [@Ebbzon1](https://twitter.com/Ebbzon1)  
> I also have a curioscat:  
> [EbbaTriesToWrite](https://curiouscat.me/EbbaTriesToWrite)


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